Episode 185 - "Marriage and Sex" - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

1Cor. 7:1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

In the first sixteen verses of chapter 7, Paul provides advice on being single or married and one’s dedication to the Lord regardless of which state each is in. Given the recent warnings against sexual immorality, it appears that Paul feels the need to offer counsel on how that might be accomplished.

Notice the church had sent Paul a letter (v. 1). The English Standard Version translators interpret “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” as a statement or question for which they desired Paul’s response. It’s difficult to say whether Paul or the Corinthian believers are saying this. However it came about, the response is what is important. In verse 2, Paul explains that marriage is the appropriate relationship in which sex should occur. Later, Paul will explain the benefit of being single. But a sexual relationship between a husband and wife is not immoral and is the appropriate, God-ordained relationship to mitigate the temptation of sexual immorality. He states in verse 3 that neither partner should avoid sexual intercourse with their spouse because, in God’s design of marriage, your bodies are co-owned with your partner. That argument reflects back to the “two shall become one flesh” argument from Genesis 2.

Paul then adds there is an appropriate occasion to avoid sexual relations for a limited time. The reason is to “devote yourselves to prayer.” (v. 5) We often think of fasting as a spiritual discipline in which we abstain from food or drink for the purpose of directing our thoughts and energy to the Lord and not indulging in pleasing the flesh. Paul suggests that the same principle applies to sex as well. He cautions that this should be for a limited time to avoid being tempted “because of your lack of self-control.”

What are the priorities evident in Paul’s counsel? I would summarize them this way. First, understand the power of sexual temptations. The believer should consider finding a spouse with whom a sexual relationship is mutually understood and expressed. Second, the two people within a marriage are not strictly two individuals anymore. Each member belongs to the other. This is a principle that I believe more marriage relationships would benefit by the spouses mutually understanding this principle. The spiritual life of each person in a marriage is a priority, and the sexual union can be put temporarily on hold for a time of prayer and focus on the Lord.

Paul’s counsel perhaps evokes as many questions as it answers. However, I think that reveals the liberty couples have concerning this. There is no mandate on the frequency of sexual relations or the amount of time for abstinence. Neither is there allowance for making demands upon one’s partner. I don’t believe Paul’s instruction is intended to be used as manipulation and putting a guilt trip on one’s spouse. That does not meet the spirit of this advice.

Thought for reflection: How might taking to heart these principles affect our marriages in our churches today?